Tin Universe Monthly #17 Read online

PAYCHANCE OPENING SUNDAY THOUGHTS

  The Original Sin 1

  About a month ago they passed a new law. And for once this law benefited someone, namely me. The law declared that all patients, for possible legal reasons, must be tracked by cameras that are set throughout all medical buildings from the time they enter the building until they exit into the parking lot.

  Before this job I didn’t know there were so many rules you had to follow in a hospital. Yes I knew stuff like spitting on the floor or visiting off limits areas but its red tape after red tape, rule after rule for everyone from doctors to janitors.

  One of my duties at Stendhal S. Memorial Hospital besides tracking by cameras and uploading the video files and charts for public records, one of my other responsibilities is to also make live handwritten notes that must then be scanned and placed also with the video records of each patients visit.

  Been at this for six months and it’s the same things week after week.

  Pretty boring.

  But it pays the bills.

  Plus I keep two sets of notes. One is what I write as things are happening. The other is an edited version what I scan and turn in. These people would go nuts if they ever read what I originally write but that’s for my untraceable hidden blog. The French eat this shit up reading about what’s going on here. Every time I post a new entry BAM! There goes my visits and up go my ad rates.

  Help pay some more bills.

  When people first come into the hospital and register at the front desk I have a template to get me through the bore of those first steps. I use to write in my personal copies making fun of peoples looks and such but that even got boring after a few weeks.

  Patient AB268DGE7778 registers and reenters waiting area. Computer systems estimate a 16 minute wait time.

  Patient AB268DGE7778 is escorted to waiting room by a Safety Guard. I think that was Josh. He’s a damn good guard.

  Doctor Franklin enters and they begin to talk over procedures.

  Here goes another one. Patient AB268DGE7778 has become violent. This being a federally funded hospital, as all are now, the law states clearly that once she resisted, all resistance is violence- the moment she became violent they had to go into course of action, they had to use force.

  They went into a This Is What We Practiced Shuffle that they have to follow under law.

  And under law means follow no matter what.

  I know this. I’ve had my pay docked for not leaving my work area clean for the next shift.

  The people who set all of these laws and procedures into effect went straight down one side in the voting booths. It’s like they all went on a political eloping from reality to what these changes would all led to. The new pot laws really piss me off.

  But now the law is the law.

  The law of the land isn’t a field but a cemented road.

  Safety Guards were called into the waiting room where the situation was taking place. In their state supplied red uniforms with clear plastic face coverings to conceal their identities, though I’d lay a bet Josh is on shift, these Safety Guards were there to provide an atmosphere of safety for everyone.

  A Safety Guard sits outside my video monitoring room at all times also. Usually some old guy. Why? I sure don’t know, maybe they think I’m going to take something home to wack off to.

  The patient had started screaming and punching when the doctor told her what had to happen before they could proceed but by the letter of the law once she signed the paperwork at the front desk, The Paperwork of Inquiry as the letter of the law calls it, once that happen everything had to proceed until the end point.

  It’s called The No Going Back Rule.

  This one is sure is strong. It took four Safety Guards, one on each arm and leg to take her from the waiting room to the procedure room. It wasn’t that out of the ordinary for something like this to happen so the screaming, the falling of objects off tables, the shouts of desperation and fear = Normal.

  SHIT! SHIT! SHIT! I recognize her. She’s on my Call Of Duty team. Her recent Call Of Duty diet must have left her weaker than normal. I heard from a friend she kicked the shit out of her boyfriend once for playing while she was BRB.

  Then again who plans for this? I mean she obviously should have thought things through better but shit. Now who are we going to get to be our teams sharpshooter?

  Right before they got into the viewing and procedure room the patient pulled her feet loose from the grip of two of the guards but after one wrapped his arm around her throat they just dragged her the last few feet into the room so her getting lose didn’t hold things up too much.

  Everyone is running on procedure so she isn’t making this any better for herself.

  A nurse went back as the door was shutting; she was collecting the patient’s shoes and stuff that spilled from her purse that trailed down the hallway. She would hate for anything to get damaged, lost, or God forbid stolen. She is going to get written up for that. She’s suppose to be with the patient at all times.

  Nothing new, this sort of thing happens all the time now. A nurse here or there just does something stupid like that.

  Her first sensation when dragged into the room was probably a smell of microwave popcorn. I saw Doctor Wall going in their earlier for a quick out of sight snack. Dumbass, I was watching. Now I’m reporting.

  To me she looks a lot more confused than the fear most of my site readers tell me about.

  It shouldn’t just appear that they were prepared for this type of thing to happen. It has happen enough times for them to be fully prepared for what might happen and be very good at handling it.

  Besides that fucking new nurse.

  The fact is this is mild compared to other things I’ve recorded. Some people totally lose their shit and they have to unleash the Safety Guards in full force. That happening every so often keeps them in shape so it’s a win win.

  People say our lives had been pulled into this, we had given into it, and not even the concern troll was in sight if someone was looking for it. I’m no political chameleon during the elections but bills have to be paid.

  But to be fair I don’t think any of us pictured this as being an event in our career trajectories when we were downing car bombs and popping child rape drugs. There’s only so much you can learn on the Patriot Bill.

  It took all the strength the four Safety Guards had to push her down into the procedure chair and then they exhausted their remaining strength to get her strapped down. Their thoughts probably turned quickly to who had next duty at the $5dollar ER.

  The $5dollar ER sucks ass. I’m happy I didn’t get hired into that department. It’s all dying babies and dripping gunshot wounds.

  The doctor stopped the patients screaming with a small oxygen mask. That usually works. The angry words that had turned into pleading were now just a muffled noise between deep breathes behind thin plastic.

  You would think they would give her a sedative with her being in this state but the law stated otherwise. The law declared she had to be fully aware of what was happening. Fully conscious of what was going on.

  The doctor let the Safety Guards go; which left only himself, one nurse, and one technician in the procedure room with the patient. The law affirmed the only people and the number of people who could be in the room to make the situation as comfortable as possible for the patient.

  The doctor spends a few minutes reviewing her chart.

  Now I’ll start adding in what I hear them say. By law they aren’t suppose to say anything and remain silent but they all have big mouths.

  “Just calm down. Panic helps no one. We aren’t anymore happy about doing this than you are so let’s just get through it.”

  When finished with his dialogue he nodded to the technician.

  The technician pulled the sonogram machine close to the procedure chair. She looked the patient straight in the eye and smiled. Damn that was creepy.

  “Don’t worry, I do this all the time.”

&nbs
p; I get fucked in the ass all the time, still don’t want that thing going up in me.

  The technician calmly started rubbing lube all over a long probe.

  The patient’s eyes were dancing around as the doctor helped the technician move the machines monitor in front of the chair. Her eye looked like a puppy in a new house.

  The nurse jacked the chair back a bit, moved the front up a little, and then slowly cranked the leg restraints apart.

  Each peg cranked echoed in the sterile room. Though not so sterile with that popcorn smell.

  The law required the procedure room to only contain what was needed. It’s to be only used for this procedure and nothing else. The idiots who violate that are stupid. It’s like a $17,000dollar fine.

  It’s also sound proof to protect the woman’s privacy.

  The technician handed the probe to the nurse who inserted it.

  She’s trying to bite at the oxygen mask because she was running out of ways to fight. Damn we are going to miss that aggression on our team.

  ‘”Now look for a full five minutes at the monitor and it will be over.”

  The law states it has to be a full five minutes. They are supposed to tell her this before entering the procedure room.

  She tried turning her head to the side but the doctor grabbed her face and held it so it’s facing forward in line with the monitor.

  A lot of people have a thing that kicks in when someone puts their hands on their face. It’s called Alien Hand Syndrome. I looked that up online after Joy on 1st Shift told me about it. It’s when your body feels with so much rage and if you can’t get away from the contact the rage turns internal to self hatred and you start to believe the hand touching you is your own because you can destroy yourself from within even if outside there isn’t any more fight for you to have.

  His fingers push into her cheeks and her hatred dives inside.

  “Stop struggling. You have to face forward but you can always avert your eyes.”

  I think this is a bunch of bullshit.

  I just got an email I have to work a double shift tomorrow.

  Fuck.

  HELL

  The Darkness Bite 1

  A few weeks ago there was a story online about this lady who was working in a mortuary. You might have heard something about it. It was retweeted, shared, pinned, and talked about in funny and boring ways.

  It quickly multiplied its way across the internet losing facts here, gaining interesting fictions there, but only few television networks reported anything about it. They were afraid of the content of the story.

  The internet ant no afraid.

  The mortuary worker was dressing a recently passed on old man. A very wealthy recently passed old man. While doing so she noticed his body had a huge erection. That’s a natural thing. And sort of a God style joke that the biggest hard on any man will get is after death.

  Afterwards, after the fact of fucking a dead old guy and getting caught, she told people she just saw it there and thought she might as well fuck it. There was a dick, she wanted to fuck a dick; so she fucked the dead man.

  And his dick.

  Now you might not expect a story to start this way but she didn’t expect the dead dick to cum either. I guess that’s a natural thing also.

  Man nature is really fucked up.

  She was sitting in a prison cell for fucking a dead guy when she came up with the idea to sue the dead old guy’s family for child support.

  Yep she was now packing a dead man’s parasite.

  You might say something like- Sometimes that’s just how the world works. It’s really fucked up sometimes.

  Well, you haven’t heard the whole story of Ms. Dead Man Fucker.

  While Miss. King Handler, her real name, was in jail, awaiting her trial and waiting to hear back from her lawyer security cameras, which were placed in the room because someone suggested she might be suicidal, caught a very horrifying scene unfold.

  She wasn’t suicidal by the way. Her lawyer just wanted her to be kept from the rest of the prison population for as long as possible.

  Plus the whole possibly being suicidal story would help sale books later.

  But without those cameras we would not have seen what took place. The guards who were set to monitor her by camera claim nothing happen when they were doing their job and monitoring her cell and it wasn’t until her lawyer and the warden reviewed the videos later that everyone saw what happen. Either way, what came to pass, came to pass.

  She was sitting on her bunk reading through some materials her lawyer wanted her to become familiar with.

  Then for a brief second the video froze into a Photoshop chrome effect before returning to normal.

  But when the video did return to normal she was no longer alone in her cell. Standing in the shadows in a corner of the larger than normal suicide watch cell was a small very overweight completely naked women.

  When she moved out from the shadows the camera could see that her skin was covered in huge blisters and spitting spewing sores.

  She grabs King around the mouth with one hand and reaches around with the other. First she attacks ripping with her long and sharp fingernails to slash away King’s shirt.

  Then her finger nails start to dig into the chest flesh and when her fingernails are full of skin she started to push them into King’s chest and pulled and tossed the findings onto the bunk.

  First the bunk is full of chunks of flesh, then organs, and finally a few broken off rib bones.

  The creature picks King up and lays her gently on the bunk. Then it reaches into her own body and pulls out a larger than normal fork and knife combo. She spits on the body and it catches fire and it burns fast and then the flames go away.

  A good BBQ method.

  And then there’s the story about the hipster pot head neighbors of Ton Kentucky.

  Ton was a work from home sports writer who freelanced for several big websites and a sports writer who never left his apartment. He had this thing about the outside world. He thought it all was out to get him- eradicate him, munch his spirit to live.

  The nearest threat to his existence was his across the hall neighbors. Ton hated his noisy hipster pot head neighbors. They ironically had tattoos and ironically left their trash outside their door for days.

  He watched them out of his peephole when they came home high or drunk. Or left high or drunk. Or when people came knocking at all hours of the day to buy from them.

  One of the things that really bothered him about his neighbors was that they always had their door wide open. They kept it that way almost all day, every day. Didn’t they know about the world? Didn’t they know the world was out to get people? They were letting the world in.

  Three days ago two young female hipsters were waiting outside their friend’s door for their friends to show up to smoke skunk and throw around words like “retard” “black” and “bitch”.

  Ton hated hipsters. When he said the word hipster he said it like he was talking about Nazis or a group of finely tuned serial killers. When he typed online he typed it “Hipsters aka Nazis”

  One of the young women left, he overheard, to pick up some burgers leaving her friend to sit down in the apartment buildings breezeway and flare up a cigarette.

  Ton was looking through the peephole, which is where he spends about four hours out of every day, when he witnessed a hairy like shadow snap into view and grab the young woman.

  The creature slit her throat. As she stood trying to scream with blood pouring down the front of her cloths the shadow thing picked up her cigarette and took a few puffs before it quickly tore her head off and started to chew on the skull.

  The sound of the skull cracking and the creature making it to the soft chewing brain insides made Ton throw in his mouth a little.

  He chewed that down as he watched the shadow creature as it reached its dark fingers into the skull and snacked on what was pulled out.

  Ton turned his view to one side to see t
he woman’s body still standing as if it was waiting for its head to be returned so it could continue its night of mocking fun.

  This was the story he gave the police when they came today inquiring in the neighborhood about the reported missing woman.

  The police thought he was high but the smell of skunk was from the apartment across from him.

  Those were only two stories of the many demonic events that have grown to be a worldwide epidemic over the past few months. The first few were just seen as strange stories, unsolved mysteries, crazy illogical happening, but then more and more and everyone had to start to acknowledge that something out of the norm was going on.

  There were some of the tensions that usually are there when dates are approaching that some see as the end of the world. But after the year 2000 passed with little to nothing super natural or global happening, besides the same old same old of political human maraudering, with the year 2013 approaching no one was giving it much thought. Not even that many people trying to make a quick buck off people fears.

  But now people are paying attention.

  Though I don’t think the Mayans ever predicated skull slurping.

  Skull cracking, yes. No slurp slurp though.

  Six teams from six nations- the United States, Australia, Great Britain, Egypt, Canada, and Japan, have been put together and sponsored finically by the Catholic Church.

  Who else has this sort of throw away income?

  Making up the teams are some of the best each nation has to offer from their most brilliant and from their militaries. The teams are being sent to one of the legendary Six Gates of Hell to find out if this truly is the end times.

  Two days ago at the Vatican where all the teams where gathered to share information another event took place that tried to stop these missions before they had even set off on their journeys.

  That attack was stopped by a man from another world. Now he is leading the American team on an air flight to one of the gates of legend. What they find may even surprise him.

  Probably wont.

  But let’s see.

  A Grumman C-2 Greyhound U.S. Military cargo plane was going through some bumpy weather. It’s a retired military freight aircraft that is used now for unofficial missions. By using a retired aircraft it gives any mission a certain amount of deniability.

  The atmosphere within the plane was actually pretty relaxed. Well, as relaxed as you could be flying on such a mission and the ride being so bumpy that all asses aboard were throbbing.

  At one end of the plane’s cargo hold was a group of ten soldiers, with each their own specialty, made up from different branches of the U.S. military.

  And at the other end some of the best scientists America had to offer.

  The might and intellect was represented.

  Sitting in the middle of the cargo area, alone, reading a newspaper was the wild card. A strangely dressed man who appeared to be in his mid 30’s but when anyone stared into his eyes they got the feeling they were staring into history.

  The man’s strange dress was in description from bottom to top WWII British Army boots, a silver and neon green pinstripe suit, and sitting beside him was a very old brown winter jacket with winter gloves sitting on top of it.

  The man’s close cut dirty blonde curly hair and pale skin gave him a dead like appearance when he sat still for any length of time without moving.

  A young soldier sat down beside Serenity. He looked hardly old enough to fuck, more less fire an automatic weapon something demonic. But he wasn’t chosen for this mission because of his dead shot marksmanship. It might not be expected when looking at him but he’s an explosives expert.

  ‘That was pretty strange at the Vatican. Do you think that’s going to be the craziest thing we see?’ the young soldier.

  Serenity tried to fold up his paper but failed and violently threw it away. He moved his hands through the air as if he was shooing it away as it fell to the floor of the cargo hold.

  ‘On the Planet of Singing Eyes I saw the rain falling from the clouds attacked by demonic takeover.’ Serenity

  The young soldiers face turned paler than Serenity’s. He got up and went back to join his fellow soldiers. His commanding officer gave him a look that said- I told you not to talk to him. He had experience working with Serenity.

  Serenity stood and walked to the back of the plane to join the scientists who were deep into a very detailed conversation about solar radiation levels at sea level. He ignored their conversation and interrupted, ‘A rather crude way to get to our destination. Even for this back shafting planet.’

  The leader of the scientists, Dr. Post, looked up at Serenity, ‘Your presence is a military decision but I’m still mission leader so the choice of transportation was my call.’

  ‘Yes, yes, the Captaincy of the tugboat is still yours.’

  ‘You’re wasting my time with this prat...’

  ‘Dr. Post, you have no idea what you’re heading into.’

  ‘And what are we heading into Mr. Serenity.’

  ‘In all of the infinite of all realities there is only one Hell. That book you wrote about the uncountable number of realities is true. So many Earth, so many fairytale lands, and so many Heavens but only one Hell. You know why that is Doctor?’

  ‘Why?’

  ‘Because that place is so perfect in its evil vile nature it couldn’t even be copied in an unfocused way. In the whole of everything there is nothing more clear in its undertaking than that of Hell. And if it’s hungering for your would- you are done. No fight, no battle- your existence is over.’

  Serenity returned to his seat and mockingly said to himself, ‘Though it’s not as Gaiman described it thankfully.’

  The cargo plane is silent except for the sounds of the plane battling against turbulence for hours straight until the silence was broken as the pilot clicks on an open intercom so everyone can hear an incoming message.

  ‘Reports are coming from all over the U.S. about a lot of crazy things happening. One report is about Alcatraz National Park. An hour ago a clouds appeared over the city. When the clouds turned dark they started to rain blood and bone.

  After the rain stopped thousands of zombie like creatures started marching out of the prison and walking into the waters that surround the park. They are at this moment swimming out in all directions towards land fall. Local National Guard and military forces are organizing responses for when they reach land.

  Another report from outside Athens lunatic Asylum is of screams of children. When investigators went inside and search every inch of the grounds they found nothing. The screaming is still going on after six hours straight.

  The Dock Street Theater has caught fire, de-flamed, and caught fire again, over and over again for now on an hour straight.

  More and more reports are coming in. Many more than anyone can keep track of…’

  Everyone turned around when the intercom stops. Serenity flipped an off switch for it, ‘Enough of other peoples fear. You will be facing enough of your own soon.’

  It’s been a two day foot trek through the heart of Nicaragua to a huge hole in the ground called Masaza. There are three other holes in the ground called Masaza but those are just tourist holes. This is the main hole in the ground called Masaza in Nicaragua.

  ‘It also has another name. The Mouth of Hell.’ Serenity

  Dr. Post walks to catch up with Serenity and the military commander who were leading the group, ‘How dramatic of you but if this is all there is we’ve wasted our time.’

  Serenity stops everyone’s march and stopping is something they all are very happy to take part in having been on the march through forests, mud, and poisonous insects for two days without many breaks.

  The hole though impressive with its size, smell, and smoke doesn’t look that supernatural. Things that don’t look too far out of the ordinary can be some of the most dangerous.

  Serenity walks over to stand by a cross, an old cross stationed at the holes
edge.

  ‘Do we go down there?’ asked one of the soldiers after looking down the hole and getting a face full of sulfur and a very sweet taste in on his lips.

  ‘There’s a cave a few miles East that will lead us down to it native hole. This is just the lips of the mouth. Time to get near the throat.’ Serenity

  ‘Have you been here before? It sure seems like you know a lot about this place.’ Dr. Post

  Serenity turned and started leading everyone East, ‘There aren’t many places I haven’t been Doctor.’

  The trip to the cave took a few hours and the one through the cave even more hours. They entered the cave at night and came out during early daybreak. They are lucky they aren’t in some old sci-fi movie because at least one would have fallen to his death and a couple found death because of a cave in behind them.

  But this wasn’t that sort of cave.

  2nd But, this might be that sort of story.

  Might.

  As the last of them exited the cave the sudden shine of light pushed anger and a migraine into Dr. Post’s head, ‘I still don’t know why my teams even here? This trips a total waste of time. Total bullshit! People need to put their stupid outdated religions away and deal with the chaos of life.’

  Serenity walks toward Dr. Post who instinctively backs away from him.

  ‘The soldiers are here for fake hope. You Doctor, you and your colleagues are here to spout nonsense about what you think is happening.’

  ‘And why are you here then?’

  ‘To let you know whether what we find will just kill us or your world.’

  Everyone stops to stare at Serenity.

  ‘But maybe we’ll just find a closed door and all these outdated religious signs are just part of a planetary hiccup.’

  Serenity turned from Dr. Post and walked back over to the real mouth of the hole, ‘Stinks even the closer you get. Last time I was there I couldn’t smell anything for years. Oh, and if anyone was wondering what that sweet smell mixed and taste was, it’s burning flesh.’

  Everyone looks at each other.

  ‘What? It’s Hell. You know all burning forever with regenerating flesh for fresh pain. What did you expect?’

  Serenity pulled from his jacket pocket a large coin.

  ‘What’s that?’ asked a soldier.

  ‘A piece of Roman silver. I use to have 29 more but lost them in a bet with a redheaded woman.’

  ‘And what are you going to do, toss it in and make a wise?’ Dr. Post

  ‘Yes.’

  Serenity flipped the coin into the air and for a second it looked like as if it stopped in midair for a moment and then started to fall down tumbling side over side into the ground opening.

  ‘What now, we await Charon?’ a soldier

  ‘No. But good for you for your known knowledge. The coin is like testing whether a standing pool is water or jet fuel. If the door is open…’

  ‘It’s jet fuel.’ the knowledgeable soldier.

  ‘On the nose. Give this man a promotion.’

  There was silence, except for a sudden kicking up wind, for a good twenty minutes. The hairs on people necks and arms were paying attention. Animals, insects, and then a loud trumpet sounded from above the clouds and half of the group dropped dead leaving three soldiers, two scientists, and Serenity to remain standing.

  Dr. Post dropped to his knees in tears. It was a feeling that was attacking all of them.

  One of the remaining soldiers snapped the safety off his assault rifle, ‘What happen?’

  ‘It’s an answer.’ Serenity

  ‘And what was the fucking question?’ asked another soldier.

  ‘Is anyone home?’