Tin Universe Monthly #22, A First Shot Fired: Part Four Read online

Tin Universe Monthly #22, A First Shot Fired: Part Four

  Copyright 2016 Brian Williams

  The sale of this book without its cover….well, is, sort of, impossible since it really doesn’t have a cover but let us go through the legal spray out anyways. If you purchased this book without a cover, you should be aware that it was reported to the publisher as “unsold and destroyed.” Hands up to you who have books like this in your collection? Now that I put my hand down we can continue with the credits and copyright and legal and stuff that people just don’t ever pay attention to unless it is pumping their own horn.

  An Original Publication of System* Publishing, a Tin Universe book published by System*Publishing, a division of System*Productions, Melbourne, Florida. This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons, living or dead or living dead, is entirely and very much so in the coincidental.

  Written by Brian C. Williams

  Edited by Brian C. Williams

  Any Additional Photography by Stainless Photography

  Cover Digital Work by 74 Images

  Tin Universe Monthly #22

  BREAKING NEWS: U.S. Senator says citizens should pay the government for the right to be on jury duty, not the other way around, and why can’t they should be fined…

  BREAKING NEWS: Not everyone likes the same books…

  BREAKING NEWS: Lawyer opens murder trial with a knock-knock joke. Then he starts screaming when jury doesn’t find it funny and security has to hold him down to keep him from slitting his own throat…

  A FIRST SHOT FIRED

  PART FOUR

  We all have a way we look at the evil in the world and how we think it should be fought. Most people start from a point of peace and understanding but in time if we are punched in the mouth enough, if our friends are punched in the mouth enough, if strangers are punched in the mouth enough we come to a standing point looking around and the only thing we can do to move forward is to ask ourselves not what would we do, but what will we do.

  Chris Friday was offered a way of asking not only himself that but also becoming a symbol of us all asking ourselves that.

  When he hasn’t been reading copies of police files or getting the headquarters setup Chris has been sparring with Sergeant Luke the past few months.

  Chris’s father told him stories about when he was in the police academy and how he had this trainer who thought he was an Army Drill Sergeant. He would lay money that guy had nothing on Sergeant Luke.

  The good Sergeant has been pushing Chris through every bit of training he himself went through in the military and the police academy and growing up in a very poor neighborhood and leveling it all up two fold but so far Chris hasn’t broken.

  The first two weeks was nothing but physical training but every other day has been studying.

  Training the mind and body is how you create a good soldier.

  At the moment Chris was studying Montana laws and finding a few strange things that he is ticking down more to amuse himself at the stupid dangerous nature of some laws.

  Did you know it’s illegal to argue Beyond Human Rights in Montana public schools?

  A child can get permanent expulsion for wearing a pro Beyond Human rights t-shirts.

  Also their parents face fines and possible jail time for allowing them to wear the shirt.

  If a teacher in Montana talks about Beyond Human Rights they will be fired without review. The teacher will also face fines and jail time for contributing to the delinquency of a minor. They will not be allowed to teach or have a job dealing with children in the state either.

  Other fun Montana laws: Prostitution is labeled a crime against the family and any crime labeled a crime against the family is considered a form of assault and is charged along the same lines.

  Seven or more Indians gathered outside a reservation is a crime. It’s considered a raiding war party. You might think this is just one of those laws that just stayed on the laws books for a long time and no one took it off but it was actually made law a year ago, pushed by a politician who thought “Native Americans have had it easy for far too long in this country.”

  Wives can’t open their husband’s mail either and it can be considered grounds for divorce. Also if a husband’s response to his wife opening his mail is violence it’s considered responsible as long as she doesn’t die.

  Because that would just be wrong.

  Billings has its share of fucked up laws also.

  For example: Having a pet rat is illegal. This is due to a serial killing rat humanoid creature that was killing people throughout the city a few years ago before being taken down by Sergeant Luke. It’s the case that got him his promotion to sergeant. Now all rats are paying the price and will never feel the love between a child and their rat.

  No bombs or rocket launchers are allowed at city council meetings.

  You think I’m making this shit up but that one is totally real.

  You will also get a day in jail if you are caught throwing items across a street. A little research done by Chris reveals this law is to protect things being thrown at politicians because now it’s an even bigger crime. It came out of one politician being hit in the face with a pie.

  Sergeant Luke interrupted Chris’ studies while carrying in a couple small boxes, ‘I’ll have the shooting range back up and running by the end of the day.’

  Sergeant Luke put the boxes he was carrying on Chris’ desk.

  ‘What are those?’ Chris asked.

  ‘Police from time to time find themselves in need of untraceable side arms,’ Sergeant Luke

  ‘That’s very comforting to know,’ Chris

  ‘This is Montana, not San Francisco,’ Sergeant Luke

  ‘Every city has misguided ways,’ Chris

  ‘And Billings will have us,’ Sergeant Luke

  Chris didn’t find that comforting either but didn’t vocalize his feelings.

  Sergeant Luke opened the boxes and within each one was a handgun.

  ‘Pompeys Tower is getting interesting,’ Chris

  ‘Pompeys Pillar,’ Sergeant Luke corrected him.

  The rest of their day was spent with the Sergeant teaching Chris how to shoot. He was very much a natural; which sort of pissed the sergeant off since he struggled a bit with his handgun training at the police academy.

  ‘The gun will be a last result for you but I’m not sending you out there not prepared for the worse,’ Sergeant Luke

  BREAKING NEWS: U.K. politician puts forward the notion to rebuild the empire with a first step being recreating The Bechuanaland Protectorate.

  BREAKING NEWS: Australopithecus afarensis skull stolen mysteriously in Mexico and then found in the bedroom of missing boy in St. Augustine Florida.

  BREAKING NEWS: One man space vehicle Mariner 17 becomes the first manned space probe to fly by Mercury.

  MARCH 2015

  BREAKING NEWS: U.S. politician “We don’t need gays in our military, we need more frigates to combat the Beyond Human threat. Keep the gays out. Strengthen our military.”

  BREAKING NEWS: Terrorist calling himself “TV Martí” says new U.S./Cuba friendship will not stand.

  BREAKING NEWS: Hacker group The Breton Knights announce themselves by attacking Russian government networks.

  *****

  KAREN: The only thing we have in common is we both fucked you.

  JEFF: Well, that’s an elite group.

  FOX: Is 2 enough for a group?

  JEFF: Shut up.

 
*****

  GAIL: The Doctor can snap this fingers and open the T.A.R.D.I.S. doors.

  JEFF: Me and my T.A.R.D.I.S. would have a safety word.

  *****

  JEFF: poetry is the down low with the hip kids as they go to the soda shop for the mariquinia tablets and Flock Of Seaquals t-shirts.

  KAREN: dude

  KAREN: spellcheck

  JEFF: Spellchecks are so the man. Be away from the system. Piss outside the box. Pull down the boozwa capitalist slave masters and fight the fight.

  KAREN: blah blah blah

  *****

  FOX: i just helped a random stranger online, a woman (who was very critical and didn't like anything i suggested for her) find a dvd with real cats in it...for her kitten to watch.

  KAREN: You just did a reference interview for a fucking cat

  *****

  FOX: I don’t knowwwww you’d have to try them on.

  FOX: lol!

  JEFF: I’ll be known in Old Navy Land as The Pixie Pants Guy. I’d love it.

  FOX: You would rock the pixie pant ok

  FOX: Karen told me it’s been a topic of conversation today.

  JEFF: I need some that will go with my new show *pic attached*

  FOX: Those are some sweet kicks

  FOX: Also, I’m a female and you buy shoes more often than I do.

  FOX: It’s unfair.

  JEFF: You fail at girl stuff.

  FOX: So true

  FOX: I can think of some pixie pants that would look awesome with those.

  JEFF: To be fair I need to take peoples attention as far from my face as possible, so I need shoes.

  JEFF: I’m going to go to Old Navy and try on every pair. Then buy socks.

  FOX: Make sure I’m working so I can be amused.

  *****

  KAREN: LOL apparently it was "chaos" at the restaurant yesterday because of all the kids after school wanting to hang out and use the wifi. The adults got mad that all the kids were in there. The kids got mad because they couldn't play games with the adults slowing down the connection.

  FOX: it sounds beautiful

  FOX: That does sound great and wait until summer break.

  KAREN: I know

  KAREN: Jeff said they were apparently overrun and miserable with complaints. I can just see a herd of gone native kids like on Recess surrounding Jeff ready to burn him at the stake.

  FOX: GIVE ME MINECRAFT OR GIVE ME DEATH!

  *****

  JEFF: I've been craving smashed tators and gravy all day. Probably because I took out the garbage and it smelled like that. Garbage makes me hungry I guess is what I'm saying.

  FOX: I know one thing for sure. I'm done with burgers for a while by eating out or at home. I'm just tired of them.

  JEFF: but

  JEFF: meat

  FOX: I'm not saying I'm never going to eat a burger again, just tired of it. I do want smashed tators though. IN MY BELLY

  JEFF: me too

  FOX: bro, seriously

  FOX: Always bro

  FOX: after all this time?

  JEFF: Not taking the bait and you are laaaamedorknerdpotter head

  FOX: sorry, not sorry

  JEFF: bla bla bla

  *****

  KAREN: i need to go somewhere

  KAREN: but poverty

  KAREN: aggh

  JEFF: Tomorrow we are going somewhere

  KAREN: i know

  KAREN: but i want to get away

  KAREN: something bigger

  *****

  JEFF: Your mom just spoiled a bunch of GOT stuff to me.

  JEFF: I'm not all spoiler nazi but dude.

  JEFF: She tried to say the books have been out forever and I said "Have you read them, no? Neither have I"

  KAREN: She is so frustrating

  KAREN: I think people just talking is fine, but she like intentionally goes out of her way.

  KAREN: Even when you say, hey, I haven't seen it yet.

  JEFF: If spoil stuff by accident sometimes. Just say sorry, don't make excuses.

  KAREN: Tired of asshole people making excuses when they are too weak to even say "My bad"

  KAREN: frustrating people

  KAREN: we should probably go ahead and catch up so we don't get spoiled

  JEFF: I agree. And you can talk about something without spoiling.

  JEFF: Say check out the latest episode its cool or holy shit you need to watch the latest episode.

  KAREN: Yep, don't say you need to watch the last episode because such and such happen.

  *****

  FOX: apparently the high school near Karen’s went into lockdown today

  KAREN: I read that. News said it was a called in threat I guess.

  KAREN: there were cops blocking the entrance when I drove by but I didn't know why

  FOX: yea

  KAREN: Seemed to have lasted a while too. They even let students go home if they wanted but seems to be back to classes now.

  KAREN: yea looks like they moved fcat to tomorrow

  KAREN: there's only an hour left anyway

  FOX: That makes me think someone called in to get out of test. That actually happens a lot in schools. Total stupid to do but happens.

  KAREN: it really does

  KAREN: one year cocoa high had one every day for like 2 weeks

  FOX: When I was in Canada we had six in one month. They found it was a security guard actually.

  KAREN: niiice

  FOX: This was pre Oklahoma City or 911 so most students just left when one happen. They don't let you do that now.

  KAREN: oh no, they do lock down now

  KAREN: which is better

  FOX: Sorry, I'm waiting for some mild rain to stop so I can do laundry.

  FOX: Which explains why we are talking about this shit.

  FOX: At least from my end of things.

  KAREN: whats sad is like Virginia tech when they let the lock down slide

  KAREN: Jeff said that place is a cluster fuck of security issues.

  *****

  JEFF: i'm sorry your head hurts so bad

  FOX: It's ok. Same old story, different day

  JEFF: its not ok, though

  FOX: Whatever. I've been sick all my life. Changing subject. Is it raining up there because it is here.

  JEFF: its just starting here

  JEFF: super dark

  FOX: Ever time I want to get things done it Floridas all over my day.

  JEFF: aww

  FOX: fucking florida

  FOX: and the thing was

  FOX: it was gorgeous this morning

  JEFF: I had the door open

  JEFF: I should have gotten up when you did.

  FOX: you were tired

  JEFF: But that means I haven’t opened my eyes to see you on this day.

  FOX: dork

  *****

  KAREN: there are teens singing really loudly while dancing out in the rain in the restaurant’s parking lot

  JEFF: Did they start singing before the rain?

  JEFF: Also what are they singing?

  JEFF: It's lightening big time down here right now.

  JEFF: This rain, not rain, heat, heat rain stuff amping up my migraines right now.

  JEFF: Fucking shit Florida.

  JEFF: Obama

  KAREN: #benghazi

  JEFF: Sooo

  KAREN: we have no water here

  KAREN: fml

  KAREN: I need some fucking hot chocolate

  JEFF: Stop off at Fox’s house and I will make you some with big mallows!

  *****

  KAREN: yea

  JEFF: and they are a bunch of assholes over there

  KAREN: Assholes being assholes

  KAREN: ok I am done for today

  KAREN: parents/nannies hanging out right

  KAREN: one dad (who has been snotty to me too)

  KAREN: he goes to this grandma "where did you go to school?" and she says palm beach high school

  KAREN
: so he goes "did you go to college?"

  KAREN: and she told him this secretarial school she went to in gainesville

  KAREN: so he goes "oh, I went to an accredited college so I don't know anything about that"

  JEFF: Well fuck a doddle doo for him. Fucking snobby ass people. The two most successful people I know only went to community college and the richest person I know didn't even graduate high school so fuck him I say.

  KAREN: yea

  KAREN: he's an ass

  KAREN: he even just made fun of bcc (he goes my oldest is moving back so he can go to eastern florida or whatever that "whackadoo" school is called

  JEFF: That's why I also get my tits up when people talk about community colleges. I even hear some say if you can't go to a university you just shouldn’t go. Fuck that.

  KAREN: yea

  KAREN: this guy drives me up a wall

  KAREN: he was so rude to me last week

  KAREN: but you know, that shit is normal here

  KAREN: special snowflake town

  *****

  JEFF: …ancing around in their fairy dust on moon light nights talking about baby smells and cocktails with the Munchesters and the Crackermores.

  KAREN: I love this

  KAREN: in other special snowflake news

  KAREN: Poor old people can't get their coffee

  KAREN: ugh and this asshole guy is now bugging the nannies in here. he wants to know all about their lives

  KAREN: how quaint!

  JEFF: right?

  JEFF: on the way to the golf course

  JEFF: cue eye roll

  KAREN: another restaurant who doesn’t do kid nights, make your own meal nights, they want in on the secrets...she's trying to scoop out how well ours does. I'm like, lady, if you want to do it, just do it, stop trying to rip from us.

  KAREN: these people

  JEFF: You need a shirt that just says. You are not a special snowflake, smack head.

  KAREN: I continue to be amazed

  *****

  KAREN: I think I have whiplash from shaking my head so much at this new guy dad hired.

  KAREN: sheesh

  JEFF: Roll your eyes sometimes too to balance things out.

  JEFF: Just took two loads of laundry over. I hope it doesn’t rain.